Lightning

I am learning like lightning these days. Learning to loosen my grip on the perfect moments that are moving like a swift current and trusting there are more and more upstream. Learning that Cormac's development has so many parallels with mine. We were born together and there is as much for me to learn about the world as a new born babe. Because all is new for me too in this new place as Cormac's mother - a term I still used tentively. Because that too is an evolving notion to me. I am learning like lightning because that is how this boy is growing. Not allowing me hardly a moment to find rhythm or a steadying stride before he is onto his next progression. I must keep up with his learning because this boy waits for no one. I am starting to find pride instead of pain in these rapid transitions - it means this boy is thriving. I am learning how to thrive alongside him as I find where to find my connections with him and my role alongside him. Matt tells me in moments when I doubt how this all looks and feels "This is it. This is the experience. This is what parenthood looks like on us. It isn't more or less than this." It feels like time is quickening on the micro/macrocosmic level that is a baby growing. Physics promise that it is the same timelapse as always. But my perspective will forever be filtered through a different view. Filtered through the swift moving water that is mothering a boy who is lightning.